Be Thou My Vision, Be My Delight.

"Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, put first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

Oh, God, be my everything, be my delight
Be, Jesus, my glory My soul's satisfied
Oh, God, be my everything, be my delight
Be, Jesus, my glory My soul's satisfied

My Jesus, you satisfy
My Jesus, you satisfy

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven's joys, bright Heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Oh, God, be my everything, be my delight
Be, Jesus, my glory My soul's satisfied."


This song has been playing on repeat.
These past few days have been interesting...I keep having these dreams at night and waking up to reality. To brokenness and to a heavy heart. Things from the past pop up in my present thoughts. "The grey remains of a friendship scarred," as described by The Shins. Questions are asked. Thoughts rush through my head. A physical chest pain creeps back into my life. "My heart hurts, Abba," I find myself crying out with watery eyes. "Why? Why do I still dream about this? How could this be? I don't understand. I feel this chest paing, I guess this is my own "thorn in the flesh," Abba, I'm weak, but I rejoice and give thanks in my weakness, for it is in my weakness where Your power is made perfect," were the questions and statements that I found myself writing down in my green-flowered journal.

I had just finished reading the book of Hebrews yesterday and I decided to lay down on my bed and write. I picked up the Ana-journal and began to write about what exactly had been going on with me (knowing Ana...she would want to know everything and the details...which I couldn't...I wish she was here with me so I could verbally tell her). After filling up a couple of pages with details, of which I won't be sharing with you all...pole [sorry in Swahili], I shared,

"But He reminds me of His goodness, His forgiveness and love. His grace and mercy. His strength and healing. His sovereignty and plans. His restoration in me. His work in me. My sanctification. How our sweet, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrews 13:8. I had a picture of this in my heard this morning when I felt a chest pain/heartbreak: It's Jesus and me. I feel God shaping me (with sandpaper so it seems). I'm crying in pain and looking to Him. Jesus is there with me. He walks along side me. He holds my hand. He pours love and grace on me. He encourages/ministers to me. "It's okay, my loved one. There is no need to fear/worry, I work all things out for your good. This pain is only temporary. You are eternally Mine. I will never leave you or forsake you. Cling to me. I will give you hope and show you the way to Life. I love you, My daughter. I am the One who died for you and conquered death for you to have Life in/throught Me. Trust Me. This pain is necessary." I run into His arms and embrace Him. He carries me. Although I can't draw a picture of His face, I know His presence. I know Him and He knows me. He carries me in His bosom [read Isaiah 40:11]. He gives me rest. He gives me peace. He gives me hope, which is Himself."

Then this morning I read my mentor's daily devotional (yes, I'm talking about Elisabeth Elliot), she titles the post Why is God Doing This to Me? and she writes,

"I have been compiling a list of the answers God Himself has given us to our persistent question about adversity:

1. We need to be pruned. In Jesus' last discourse with His disciples before He was crucified (a discourse meant for us as well as for them), He explained that God is the gardener, He Himself is the vine, and we are branches. If we are bearing fruit, then we must be pruned. This is a painful process. Jesus knew that His disciples would face much suffering. He showed them, in this beautiful metaphor, that it was not for nothing. Only the well-pruned vine bears the best fruit. They could take comfort in knowing that the pruning proved they were neither barren nor withered, for in that case they would simply be burned up in the brushpile.

Pruning requires the cutting away not only of what is superfluous but also of what appears to be good stock. Why should we be so baffled when the Lord cuts away good things from our lives? He has explained why. "This is my Father's glory, that you may bear fruit in plenty and so be my disciples" (John 15:8, NEB). We need not see how it works. He has told us it does work.

2. We need to be refined. Peter wrote to God's scattered people, reminding them that even though they were "smarting for a little while under trials of many kinds" (they were in exile--the sort of trial most of us would think rather more than "smart"), they were nevertheless chosen in the purpose of God, hallowed to His service, and consecrated with the blood of Jesus Christ. With all that, they still needed refining. Gold is gold, but it has to go through fire. Faith is even more precious, so faith will always have another test to stand. Remember God's loving promise of 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is all you need; power comes to its full strength in weakness" (NEB).

But Thou art making me, I thank Thee, sire.
What Thou hast done and doest Thou knows't well.
And I will help Thee; gently in Thy fire
I will lie burning; on Thy potter's wheel
I will whirl patient, though my brain should reel.
Thy grace shall be enough the grief to quell,
And growing strength perfect through weakness dire.
-George MacDonald."

Isn't that beautiful! I love it when things that Elisabeth writes hits home and it goes along with what the Spirit has been teaching me. Then later on today He reminded me of something that I had read yesterday in Hebrews. I encourage you all to stay with me (I know this post is a little long..but let's be serious..my posts are always long, pole) and read this:

"And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
For the Lord disciplines the one He loves,
and chastises every son whom He receives."

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." -Hebrews 12:5-11.

So here I am, sitting on my bed. It's late and I wish Kenya was in the same time-zone as Miami. I'm typing this up and hoping that through what He has been teaching me you may be ministered to and encouraged. The lyrics of Be Thou My Vision by Ascend the Hill that I wrote in the beginning of this post has a verse that I can't seem to get over and that is:  My Jesus, You Satisfy.
Along with: Oh God, be my everything, be my delight. Be, Jesus, my glory my soul's satisfied.

God Himself has called us to be His sons and daughters, we are adopted as His own through our beautiful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The Creator of the universe not only calls me, but treats/disciplines as His daughter. This pain and heartache I go through, this past friendship that creeps into my present, this thorn in my flesh, is just another opportunity for surrender. This shaping with sandpaper, this pruning and refining, this discipline is necessary. But let us never lose sight of the bigger picture. Like the author of Hebrews writes,

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."(Chapter 12 verse 1-2).

Jesus is the bigger picture. He is our reward. He is our goal. He is our everything. Let us look to Jesus and keep our eyes fixed on Him and Him alone.

Oh my sweet Jesus, be Thou our Vision. Be our Delight.
    

A Gleam Across the Wave

My mentor, Elisabeth Elliot, posted a daily devotional titled A Lighthouse in Brooklyn, and I wanted to share it with you all.

Elliot writes, "For forty years a little piece of my heart has been in Brooklyn, New York. For a few months in 1951 I lived there in order to attend a Spanish-speaking church and take language lessons before going to Ecuador. But now a bigger piece of my heart is in Brooklyn--so big, in fact, that I have felt a longing to give up the house we live in and the work we do and just move there!

I'll explain. I'd been invited to speak to a group of women on a Saturday afternoon at Brooklyn Tabernacle. It sounded interesting, but I was not expecting anything quite so thrilling as it proved to be. Brooklyn, for a start, is a tough place. There's a lot of poverty. Drugs and muggings and murders are practically everyday occurrences, and there had been some very ugly riots between Jews and blacks in one of the most "civilized" sections. The neighborhood where I had lived was pretty bleak back then, so I wondered if it could be any worse now. I was eager to try to find 519 Bushwick Avenue (a fifth-floor walk-up, at $17 per month--lots of noise, strange cooking odors, large rats, and very little heat or hot water). Abraham, the kind man who drove us around, managed to find the location all right, but the whole block had been razed (no wonder). There was nothing there but empty lots. Well, not empty really--mattresses, old refrigerators, bedsprings, tires, sofas with the stuffings coming out--you name it, you could have picked it up. In fact, there were such mountains of trash everywhere, I wondered where they'd put it if they ever did decide to clean up the place. Desolate and depressing in the extreme. Graffiti, that hideous evidence of defiance of all law and order, covered every surface within reach of the ground and many high above it. Abraham said thousands of people are always cleaning it up, and it's back the next morning.

I kept thinking about the old gospel song, "Let the Lower Lights Be Burning" Here's part of it:

Dark the night of sin has settled,
Loud the angry billows roar;
Eager eyes are watching, longing,
For the lights along the shore
Let the lower lights be burning,
Send a gleam across the wave,
Some poor, fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.

There on Flatbush Avenue stands Brooklyn Tabernacle, sending its gleam across the wave. Thousands have "made the harbor" because of its light. My audience was a wonderful mixture of colors and ethnic backgrounds, the music was louder than I'm used to but wonderfully exuberant and heartfelt. There was no doubt about it--those women were worshipping. I heard some of their stories--to me nearly unimaginable--of drugs, alcohol, abuse, poverty, abandonment. One mother's anonymous letter to the pastor told of her own heartbreak. Just that week she had learned that her fourteen-year-old daughter was pregnant. The father of the baby was the girl's seventeen-year-old brother. That mother said she had wanted to kill herself and her children, "But I'm making it," she wrote, "with Jesus and the help of this church."

We heard their two-hundred-voice choir at the Billy Graham rally in Central Park on Sunday afternoon. In the evening, after I had spoken again at the Tabernacle, we were having supper with a group of the church folks. I asked a woman named Marie to tell me her story. Her husband smiled and said, "She loves to tell it! It's her favorite story." How I wish I had room for the whole thing.

Her mother, five months pregnant, died of cancer. Marie, the baby, survived and was put in a foundling hospital. Later she was entrusted to the care of nuns who treated her cruelly, although they taught her about God. She felt sure God was better than they were, and she knew her daddy loved her, but she was hungry for more. At age ten she began sniffing glue. This led to smoking pot, then doing drugs for the next fifteen years. On a Club Med vacation in Mexico with her boyfriend she began to wonder why she was born. Why had God made her? What meaning was there in it all? God clearly spoke to her "Maria, give me your life. This is your last chance." Suddenly she lost her desire for drugs and told her boyfriend she would not sleep with him anymore. On her return to New York she found that a group of friends had been praying for her at the very time when this happened. Hers is a totally transformed life. She's married to the boyfriend, who is now a pastor.

"You should have seen me," he said, "long hair, three earrings in each ear, feathers!"

I thought of my own upbringing--Christ as the Head of our house, parents who loved Him, each other, and us. No alcohol or drugs, just the Bible and hymn-singing. A clean house on a clean street. I thought of Nicky Cruz's testimony that same afternoon at the Graham meeting--from deep sin and sorrow to joy; and of Johnny Cash's simple words: "Alcohol never gave me peace. Drugs never brought me happiness. I found both in Jesus Christ. He changed my life." Then he sang, "The Old Account Was Settled Long Ago," while his dear June burst in with her lusty refrain, "Down on my knees!"

Tears come as I write, remembering the unutterable JOY I saw on those upturned faces during those two days. Those people were still living with huge tribulations and deep heartbreaks, yet there was joy, there was peace, and there was love such as I see in few churches. I don't know when I've had so many hugs. How to account for it all? It's quite simple:

This doctrine of the cross is sheer folly to those on their way to ruin, but to us who are on the way to salvation, it is the power of God.... To shame the wise, God has chosen what the world counts folly, and to shame what is strong, God has chosen what the world counts weakness. He has chosen things low and contemptible, mere nothings, to overthrow the existing order. So there is no place for human pride in the presence of God....He is our righteousness; in him we are consecrated and set free.

1 Corinthians 1:18, 27-30, NEB."

These testimonies that Elisabeth shares are a great reminder of who are LORD is!
The power of Christ and of His Gospel can transform lives.
I pray that we, as His body, may boldly proclaim the Truth.
That we may be that gleam across the wave for the hurting and lost people in this world.

The Strength of My Life and the Source of it All

I had just gotten back home from spending the day at Children's Home for church. I had a few mintues till I had to be on-the-go again so I decided to write in the journal one of my bestfriends, Ana Echezabal, gave me. So I hope you're happy Ana! I'm finally writing in it (little by little). As I look back and read old journal entries, I think about the past and my present and how His Word has brought me comfort and joy. He gives me hope. He is my hope. Even when I'm down, He lifts me up. So I thought it would bring some encouragement and comfort to share a journal entry with you all.

So here is the journal entry I wrote yesterday:

"He is so good!                                                   Sunday, September 16th, 2012.

I'm pretty sure you've read my latest blogpost on this matter ^ [I had written about the possibility of bring a child home with me in the entry above]. I've tried to catch up on some writing but I can't seem to find much time. It's Sunday and I'm laying in bed waiting to leave home and head to town (Eldoret, Kenya) for dinner. It's 5:30pm (which means it's only 10:30am in Miami). I taught Sunday School this morning...the Lord really is my strength! I had over 75 young kids. I would say just about 20 of them were babies, which indicates alot of crying, peeing and pooping going on. Loud cries coming from all corners of the room where I try and teach them about Jesus and God's love and what His Word says. Today was a very frustrating Sunday morning for me. I could barely hear myself, I ran out of candy (or as the Kenyans say, "sweets"..."give me sweet!") for my kids, I could only share my lesson with about 20 kids. It was crazy. But He is good. I got to see/be with my girls and love on them. I got to eat rice and beans for lunch, which is always a treat. I got to spend a few minutes in His Word [after lunch I hid away in the girls' room to be still]. I'm refreshed by His love and grace. I read Psalm 27 and 28. Listen to this:

"The LORD is the stronghold of my life..."-Psalm 27:1

"One thing have I asked of the LORD,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the Beauty of the LORD and to inquire in His temple." -Psalm 27:4."

It was time for me to leave Kaptagat, so I had to stop there.

But wow! That verse caught my attention. To gaze upon the beauty of the LORD! Oh the thought of it all. To be in the presence of the Almighty God and be enthralled by His beauty. To be in awe, to be mesmerized by Him and all that He is. His glory and beauty.

This is what He has been reminding me:

My sweet Jesus is faithful. His promises stand true.

"For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble;
He will conceal me under the cover of His tent;
He will lift me high upon a rock [Jesus is my Rock. He is the rock that is soooo much higher than I!]." -Psalm 27:5

He reminds me thats it's the condition of my heart that matters and that He is my Help. He reminds me that even if my father and mother, my family or friends foresake me, if the whole world turns against me, He takes me in.

"Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me!

You have said, "Seek My face."My heart says to You,
"Your face, Lord, do I seek."

Hide not Your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O You who have been my Help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation!

For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
but the Lord will take me in."-Psalm 27:7-10


This Monday afternoon, I sit on my bed while listening to Hillsong and typying this up. The song Open My Eyes from Hillsong's A Beautiful Exchange starts playing on my ipod.

The lyrics,

"I know Your love is all that I need
And I seek to know the ways of Your heart.
So open my eyes oh God
Open my heart to see
All the wonders and the power of Your name
By Your grace I'll live
By Your grace I'll see
For my life and my salvation is in You,"

remind me to cling to Him. To His grace and love. To seek Him first.
"Teach me Your way, O Lord..."-Psalm 27:11a.

Sometimes life can be overwhelming and frustrating. At times it's hard for me to be Christ-like when people stare, laugh and rip me off because I'm white here. It's hard because I want to be like Jesus Christ but sometimes my flesh gets in the way, and when that happens....I long to be in my flesh no longer. I want to be in heaven with Him and not have to deal with my flesh. I wish He would come back already. But He reminds me to wait for Him. To be strong and take heart.

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" -Psalm 27:13-14

This one is my favorite:

He hears and answers me. He is my Strength and my shield. My heart trusts in Him, He comes to my aid. My heart and life exults Him. My life song give thanks to Him for all that He is, all that He had done, and all that He does.

"Blessed be the Lord! For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him." -Psalm 28:6-7.


The hymn As the Deer comes to mind. I encourage you to read the lyrics and sing it out loud to our Lord and Savior.


"As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after You
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship You


You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship You


You're my friend and You are my brother
Even though You are a King
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything


You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship You


I want You more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy-giver
And the apple of my eye.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship You."

The Testing of Faith and Obedience

This past week has been one of the most emotionally/spiritually chaotic weeks I've experience so far here in Kenya. As some of you might have read in a previous post, I was praying about taking one of my girls back to the States with me. I found myself not being able to be at peace about separating her from her siblings and her home....but questioning if I was being selfish if I let that get in the way of her living a "comfortable" (good, healthy, happy, better) lifestyle in America and the chance to be her mommy. I was torn in two. I didn't have peace about the future, when I would have to come back with her next year and having to say goodbye. It would definitely be a harder goodbye than the one I have to go through next month. "Abba, what do You want me to do? I am willing to do whatever You ask of me. I just want to bring glory to You, my sweet Jesus. I am willing to surrender it all. I am willing to give up my "teenage/youth/YOLO" life in order to be obedient to this task of being a mommy to this child. Just please...give me clarity and peace concerning this," were the thoughts that I found myself writing in my prayer journal (p.s. the YOLO part was a joke).

This past Tuesday I got on the computer and started looking into flights, example of a parental consent letter, and the requirements of obtaining a Kenyan passport. I had been praying, "Abba, if You want me to take this child home...please let there be an open seat on the same flight I'm on." And there was! There was an open seat on the same flight I'm taking back home, and the price was reasonable. The price of the flight ticket for a child was $1,283.06 (I still can't afford it but it was alot cheaper than $2,300!). I began asking my friends and family back home to be praying and if they would be willing to donate money in order to cover the cost. And man, how He provides! In just a few days, I had a handful of people who were willing to give to help the cause! And I know of countless more friends and family who would be able to help out as well. The money issue was no longer a worry at this point. OUR GOD IS ABLE to do more than what we ask or think. This I have witnessed. Tuesday night I obeyed my mom and sat down and talked to Kellie about the idea of bring Abigail or Chella to the States and asked for her advice and input. Kellie then let Michael know.

Wednesday I went to Eldoret and stopped by the Immigration Office to pick up a form (the passport application) and ask a few questions. I got the application and got to talk to a kind sir who was very helpful. I asked if it was possible to get a passport for a young child of age 3..even if she didn't have an identification card or any of the other requirements. I asked how the process works and how long it would take. How much it would cost and if the mother had to be there at the office when everything was being processed. He answered all my questions. The cost was only Sh. 4,500 = which amounts to just about $54. It would only take two weeks to be done. The mother doesn't have to be there, but he advised me to bring her anyways..just to be safe. He told me that as long as I had the parent's consent letter it would be fine. He helped me looking through the application. I left the building thinking...ok LORD, it's a possibility. This could really work out. But do You want me to do this? Is this what You want me to do?

I walk to Baker's Point cafe (the fastest wifi connection in town) and sit down. I've been poured on and I'm freezing cold. I message my sister, my bestfriend Ana, and my mom. I try skyping with my dear friend Kiki (Cristina). No answer. No reply. I start feeling very discouraged. As if there is a heavy storm going through my heart and mind. I finally get in contact with my mom. I get to video chat with her. I tell her what I found out at the Immigration Office. And I start telling her of how torn I am about choosing between Abigail and Chella and how I don't want to separate them. How torn I am about the future. It hurts me now, just to think about saying goodbye and not being able to see them every week. It kills me to think about next year...when I would have to come back with the child and having to depart then. It would be an even harder goodbye. And my mother felt the same way. Me taking Abigail or Chella home with me this year would do more harm than good. So my mom and I just agreed on that I would come back to Kenya and see them again.

After that video chat conversation with my mom, I felt as a burden had been lifted. I felt at peace about our decision. I will not be taking my baby girl back to the States with me, but I will come back and be with her and the rest of my girls (and the rest of my kids! All 17 of the kids I get to love on each day at the Children's Home and the 67 students I have). So now I'm just praying about coming back next year. Hoping to find a job back home so I can raise up some more money. But again....I trust that He will provide. He is able to provide what is needed and so much more.   

So this is what He has taught me and how I feel about this whole situation:

I feel like this situation was testing of my faith and obedience. I feel refreshed by His loving discipline. Although I feel like I failed on this test in so many ways, He is teaching me how to remain strong, steadfast under trail, and to always go to Him for wisdom and guidance.      

Its no wonder James wrote, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting..." -James 1:2-6a.

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." -James 1:12

I stand amazed and in awe of all that He is. I came across Psalm 94 yesterday and I love what He showed me through it.

"When I thought, “My foot slips,” Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul." -Psalm 94:18-19.

"But the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge." -Psalm 94:22.

When I felt like I was slipping and failing, His steadfast love held me up. Even when I have all these thoughts and worries, when the cares of my heart are many, He cheers my soul. His consolations bring comfort to my heart and mind. He gives me His perfect peace. I can now say that I am at peace about this situation. I can sleep well at night and not have to worry about worldly things.

A dear friend of mine, Caro A, encouraged me to go back to the Gospel of John and re-read chapter 17. I was reminded me of a few characteristics of Jesus and the Father that I had forgotten/never really paid much attention to. 

The text is so rich that I'm just going to post the whole chapter for you to read and then I'll talk about it in another blogpost later on. So enjoy and I hope He speaks to you through this chapter in Scripture.

The High Priestly Prayer  

"When Jesus had spoken these words, He lifted up His eyes to heaven, and said,

“Father, the hour has come; glorify Your Son that the Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. I glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work that You gave Me to do. And now, Father, glorify Me in Your own presence with the glory that I had with You before the world existed.

 “I have manifested Your name to the people whom You gave Me out of the world. Yours they were, and You gave them to Me, and they have kept Your word. Now they know that everything that You have given Me is from You. For I have given them the words that You gave Me, and they have received them and have come to know in truth that I came from You; and they have believed that You sent Me. I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours. All Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, which You have given Me, that they may be one, even as We are one. While I was with them, I kept them in Your name, which You have given Me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled. But now I am coming to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves. I have given them Your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not ask that You take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the Truth; Your word is Truth. As You sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And for their sake I consecrate Myself, that they also may be sanctified in Truth.

“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word, that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. The glory that You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one even as We are one, I in them and You in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that You sent Me and loved them even as You loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, may be with Me where I am, to see My glory that You have given Me because You loved me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, even though the world does not know You, I know You, and these know that You have sent Me. I made known to them Your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which You have loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” -John 17:1-26.

 

I want to thank all of you who were willing to donate and help cover the cost of bringing my sweet girl home with me. I pray that our beautiful and mighty God would bless you for your willingness to help. You have no idea the impact you have made in my life and walk with Christ this week. The LORD has shown me how blessed I am to have friends and family like you. It's always so encouraging to know that I have you all to support me, not only concerning financial matters, but also in spiritual battle. You have no idea how much your prayers count and make a difference. I can feel Him answer your prayers. So with a grateful heart, I thank you all. I pray that you would continue to pray for me and all that He is doing here in Kenya.

Prayer Requests:

For the 17 kids in our Children's Home.

For the Church here in Kenya.

For me and my last month here that He would continue to open opportunities to bring Him glory and others to Himself.

For Him to prepare me for my departure. That He would continue to give me His strength to keep running this race. That I would boldly proclaim His Gospel even more when I get back to Miami.

For the possibility of coming back next year. That He would open doors and provide what is needed.

The Calm Spirit of Christ

My mentor, Elisabeth Elliot, wrote,
"Today is moving day. There will be plenty of reason for fretting and stewing, impatience, and turbulence. I am one who seems to feel that unless I do things or unless they are done my way, they will not be done right, and the day will disintegrate. But I have been watching the sea--very turbulent this morning because of a tropical storm hundreds of miles away--and I remember Him whose word was enough to calm it.

Speak that word to me today, dear Lord: peace. Let your calm spirit, through the many potentially rough minutes of this day, in every task, say to my soul, Be still. Even this day's chaos, with all its clutter and exertion, will be ordered by your quiet power if my heart is subject to your word of peace. Thank You, Lord."

And that's how I feel today. There is so much going on. So much mixed feelings and thoughts. So much worry and overwhelmingness. But my sweet Jesus can calm the raging storm that thunders through my heart and mind today. Be still. Be still little one. Cling to Me. I am your Rock. I am your Comforter. I am the One who answers prayers. I am the One who guides/leads you. Be still and know that I am GOD! I am the Almighty God.

Mungu is Able. My God is More than Able.

This past friday, on the car ride back here to Kaptagat (home) from Kipkelion, Kenya, I had a thought/idea/prayer. The thought of being able to take one of my girls back to the States with me. I have just about $600 saved up, and I thought that should be a little less than a one-way ticket for a child. The child would just be "visiting" me and my family for a year. She would live with me and I would be her care taker for the time while being in America. I would need the child's parental approval and have the parent sign a paper saying that the child is allowed to travel with me. The child and I will return to Kenya together next year. This means...I would have to come back next year.

Saturday night I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning in bed. I listened to a whole hour sermon by Louie Giglio. I couldn't stop thinking. Around midnight I called my mom and asked her if she could do me a favor. I asked her if she could please look up/find out how much a flight ticket for a child younger than 5 years old would be. The flight would be on the same date I return. It would have to be on the same flight I'm in.

Sunday morning I wake up (with only a few hours of sleep) and I get ready to teach Sunday School. I put on my African dress on, I braid my what-used-to-be-bands back and clip them to the side, I make sure I have all the things I need for the craft after my lesson. I get to the Children's Home and I start leading the kids in a few swahili and english worship songs, I pray and I begin to teach on Psalm 23. I emphasize on how the LORD is our Shepherd and we are the sheep. God is the Good Shepherd. He cares for His sheep, in every way. He is our provider, He gives us rest, He restores our soul, He leads us in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake, He is with us, He comforts us, He repares tables before us in the presence of our enemies, He takes care of us (physically: He anoints our heads with oil), His goodness and His mercy follows us for all our lives, He promises that we will dwell in His house forever! We shall be with Jesus forever! This Good Shepherd is our God!

After church and after eating lunch with my kids from the Children's Home, I walk over to my girls' house. Her mom is there. Their mother's name is Vivian. I've met her before. She knows me and I know her. I don't know know her. but this is what I do know:  Vivan is 24 years old. She had Sharon (her first born) when she was 15 years old. She doesn't have a husband and she is the main provider for her and her 4 daughters. I haven't had the opportunity to truly find out if she is a Christian or not. A true Christian that is. I would like to take one of my kids from the Children's Home and have her/him translate for me as I talk about Jesus with Vivian. (Vivian and her daughters speak Kalejin, for the most part). Vivian and I communicate in english, the few english that she knows. I talk to her in swahili at times...but that conversation can only go for so long. Anywho...I arrive at their home and I notice that Phillis is crying. Vivian greets me and leads me to a bench to sit next to her. I ask Phillis if shes okay and I take her with me to the bench. Phillis is sitting between Vivian and I and I'm carrying Abigail on my lap. All the rest of the kids (Sharon, Silvia, Chella,Bryan and his brothers and sisters) are playing on the grass in front of us. Vivan's niece, Nancy, gives me a orange Fanta and some cookies to drink and eat. Kenyan people are so welcoming and giving. They have nothing. The little that they have...they share and give. I don't recall much of what we talked about...but all I could remember is a comment Vivian made. She said, "You take this child with you to America. You take Phillis with you." I replied, "In a heart beat. I would love to take Phillis with me! I would love to take all these kids with me. But I can't do that! They would miss their family too much. Phillis would miss her mama too much." Phillis is 6 years old. She is Vivian's second oldest child. I knew Phillis must have done something to upset her mom. That would explain why she was crying when I got there and why Vivian made such a comment. It's hard for me to imagine Phillis misbehaving...but then again, I only see her a few times a week. But when I do see her...she is the sweetest little girl. She hugs me and gives me kisses.We play, we laugh. She tells me she loves me in her dialect (achamin Nati!). I tell her I love her in the 3 different languages (English, Swahili and Kalejin)that she would be able to understand...somewhat. I love being with all my 5 girls. I've grown very fond of them. But man, oh man, do my little 3-year-olds Abigail and Chella have a hold of my heart (after Jesus, of course). They are known as my daughters and I am known to be their mama.

Sunday afternoon, I'm back home and I take a quick shower. I call my mom and I told her why I called her the day before and asked for that favor. She told me that the lowest price for a one-way ticket for a child was $2,300! So there I was...sitting on the porch...talking on the phone with my mom...and thinking to myself: ok...I can't afford it. I can't take one of my girls back home to America with me. It's too much money. I'm crazy for even thinking about it. Okay LORD, it's a no. I left it at that.

Today (Monday) I went to town with Kellie, Belle and Danielle (whose birthday is today...we went into town for her birthday/girls' day out). After walking all over Eldoret, we ate lunch at Nova Cafe (one of my favorite places in town). After lunch we walked around town some more  and then we finally settled down at Baker's Point cafe (my other favorite place in town). I got to get connected to some decent wifi and check some messages and post some pictures. I skyped with my mom and she asked about the little girl I wanted to bring home. She asked me questions and told me not to worry about the money for the flight ticket...but to first worry about seeing if its possible to bring her to the States. To talk to Michael (the missionary) and see what he says and to see what he knows. She said that if the mother (parent) is willing to let the child go with me and sign a paper stating it, it might be possible to take her with me for a year. We are both doing some research and praying about it.

On the matatoo ride back home from Eldoret...I couldn't help but think. To overthink. To worry. To rejoice. To be broken-heart. To fear. To worry some more. You see...I don’t want to even think about saying goodbye to all my kids and people here in Kenya. To all the friendships that the Lord has blessed me with. And my heart breaks just of the thought of leaving and saying goodbye. My eyes get watery and everything! It’s terrible. Thoughts like: I can’t afford it. If I take Abigail or Chella to the States with me that means they would be separated from their siblings. I have to get her a passport and get the consent letter from the parent. I have to buy a bunch of diapers so she won’t pee on me. Would I even be a good mommy? If I get to bring Abigail or Chella home with me and be their mommy...that means I have to be an adult. I have to receive the responsibility that motherhood gives. I wouldn’t be her legal parent, I can’t adopt her. I’m 18 years old. The thoughts of me having the responsibility of motherhood scares me a bit. Not knowing if Abigail or Chella would like to the life-style in America. The language barrier and how I need to learn more Kalejin and teach her more english. Having a child depend on me every minute of my day. Would she want me to be her mommy? Will this even work out? If so...how? When I get home...I can’t be like another other teenager. I can’t go and have dates with friends and hang out till late. I can’t drive around Miami and go from place to place figuring out what I want to do. I would like to get a job and work when I get back. I need to save up in order to come back to Kenya next year, if He wills me to come back, and I would have to save up for another flight ticket as well for Abigail or Chella. I plan on going to VA and visiting my bestfriend Ashley at UVA in November. I would love to go to Passion 2013 in GA in January. I had plans. 

 

But then He reminds me of His love and strength and power once again. I want to be her mommy and love her like He loves me. All I know is that I love them. They love me. And my God is a living and mighty God. As I sat there on the matatoo (bus) listening to Hillsong, the song God is Able started playing. I was reminded that He is able to do more abundantly than all that I ask or think. He will give me strength to do the work that He has prepared for me...even if being a mommy to a young Kenyan child for a year is part of that work. I would have to come back to Kenya next year (which is an answered prayer in itself) with Abigail or Chella. He is my Good Shephered and He provides. He will make a way...if this is His will. My God is able. My God is more than able to make a way.              

Prayer for Spiritual Strength

^“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” -Eph. 3:14-21.


My friends and family,
Please continue to pray for the people here in Kenya.
Please pray for:
The 17 kids we have at the Children's Home.
The Church
The possibility of Abigail or Chella coming to the States. That He would make it clear what He wants me to do and that I would be obedient and do it. For provision and strength.

 

Abigail and I



Sunday School

If it is a possibility to bring Abigail or Chella to the States with me (and find out if I could get a passport and consent letter)...please let me know if you would like to help out with that.   

Family of 3

Abigail and Chella.
Recently the Lord has put it in my heart to find out how much it would be (if it's even possible) to take one of my girls back to the States with me until I come back to Kenya next year (Lord willing, I will). It's a ambiguous feeling because I wish I didn't have to choose between them. And I don't want to split them up. It's in prayer right now. So please pray with me.