The Perfect Who Carried the Pain of the Imperfect and Wretched.

"He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength."-Isaiah 40:29

This past week has been so very long. It has only been a week since the team left but it seems/feels like that was forever ago. I've been pushing off writing whats been going on. So here I am...sitting on my bed once again. Waiting for a roommate to be done with the internet stick so I can quickly check some messages from back home. While I sit here listening to Ascend the Hill's Take the World, but Give Me Jesus album, I'm thinking about all that I am and all that He is. I encourage you to just sit down, take a break from this crazy life, and think about all that you are...and then remember all that He is. All that He has done and continues to do. The truth is...what/who I am is no pretty picture. I'm so unworthy of my sweet Jesus. We all are. I'm so imperfect. I'm here in Kenya...trying to be Christ to these people and proclaim His name and His Gospel, but I find myself often feeling like this:

I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I don't ever want to hear the word "mzungu" (its what Kenyan call white people) ever again. I'm tired of people excepting me to be rich because I'm American. I'm tired of people trying to rip me off because I'm white. I want to be clean. I want to eat a whole entire Colombian restaurant right now. If I hear another American complain/whine one more time...I s***r (for all of you who are struggling to figure to missing letters:  Swear. I don't like to use that word but yeah). I'm tired of men coming up to me sweet talking and asking for my name, number, and if I could marry them. I just want to run to my room (my room in America) and scream. I just want to see my bestfriends. I just want to be with my family. I just want to be left alone for a few minutes and just pray outloud. I just want some decent wifi that actually works in town to skype with people back home. That’s all I want.

Everything above is so...selfish. I am a wretch. I sometimes make it all about me but He always humbles me and reminds me that...in reality...NOTHING is about me. It’s ALL about Him.
I'm so imperfect. I'm selfish. I'm unworthy of all that He is. 

Lately the Lord has been reminding me of who He is and teaching me this:

"What is man, that You are mindful of him, or the son of man, that You care for him?"-Psalm 8:4-6.

I am nothing. I am dust, yet my gracious King still thinks of me.

"Now in putting everything in subjection to Him, He left nothing outside His control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to Him. But we see Him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone.

For it was fitting that He, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the Founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. For He who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why He is not ashamed to call them brothers, saying, “I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will sing your praise.”"-Hebrews 2:8-12.

Jesus Christ, Almighty God in flesh, tasted death for me. He carried the pain that was meant for me. Jesus, the Founder of our salvation, the Perfect carried what was meant to be for us the imperfect. Can you say, “AMAZING GRACE!” My sweet Jesus is not ashamed to call me sister. He is not ashamed to call me daughter. He is not ashamed to call me friend. This King is mindful of me.  

"Therefore He had to be made like His brothers in every respect, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because He Himself has suffered when tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted."-Hebrews 2:17-18.

Think about it: Jesus Himself like us human…yet He never sinned. He was never selfish. Jesus Himself suffered…He is able to help and comfort me in my suffering.   

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."-Hebrews 4:14-16.

This has to be my favorite. We do NOT have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses. Jesus Christ sympathizes with our suffering. I find great comfort in that. We ought to be thankful that our God is a God that sympathizes with His children, and it’s because of His grace and mercy…cause we sure don’t deserve any of it. We don’t deserve His sympathy.

These past few days I’ve need His grace. I’ve needed His strength. I’ve needed His Truth and reminders. Every single day I’m in need of His mercy and grace. I’m tired and overwhelmed but He is Strength, Hope and Peace. All our fears and worries, all our struggles and troubles…we ought to take them to Him in prayer. All our pain…we ought to take them to the Lord in prayer.  

Joseph M. Scriven once wrote, “O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.”

Let us never forget the Grace that saves wretched. The Perfect who carried the pain of the imperfect. Always reminding ourselves of all that we are and all that He is.
     

“Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures


The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine”

I've Been Procastinating....

There is just so much going on with me right now that I cant just simple writing it all out. I'll try my best and post something soon. But for now...just mediate on this: Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it. For since the message declared by angels proved to be reliable, and every transgression or disobedience received a just retribution, how shall we escape if we neglect such a great salvation? It was declared at first by the Lord, and it was attested to us by those who heard, while God also bore witness by signs and wonders and various miracles and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to His will. For it was not to angels that God subjected the world to come, of which we are speaking. It has been testified somewhere, “What is man, that you are mindful of him, or the son of man, that you care for him? You made him for a little while lower than the angels; you have crowned him with glory and honor, putting everything in subjection under his feet.” Now in putting everything in subjection to Him, He left nothing outside His control. At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to Him. But we see Him who for a little while was made lower than the angels, namely Jesus, crowned with glory and honor because of the suffering of death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone. For it was fitting that He, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the Founder of their salvation perfect through suffering. For He who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why He is not ashamed to call them brothers, saying, “I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will sing your praise.” And again, “I will put my trust in Him.” And again, “Behold, I and the children God has given Me.” Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death He might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that He helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. Therefore He had to be made like His brothers in every respect, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because He Himself has suffered when tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." -Hebrews 2:1-18

Snail Mail but Beyond Thankful

Today we went to Flax (the place we go to every thursday for market day and where we check our mail) and did VBS for the kids in that community. I stopped by the post office to check our box and say hi to Rosy Mary and I had two packages from back home! After a month of waiting...they're finally here! I want to give a big thanks to mi Nana Banana for sending the box of goods. Thank you Loudres for helping out. Thank you Pati for the books and Mimi for the sweet letter. A big thanks to my bestfriend Ashley Kalbac for mailing me a birthday package! I love it.

   

Nothing like receiving a box filled with yummy American products, books given by my sister Pato, and a letter from my aunt Mimi.




Me with my packages from home and Rose Mary



Marykesh and His Family



 

He is Enough. My Sweet Jesus is More than Enough.

I'm sitting here in my room tyring to figure out what I would like to share with you all. There is so much I would like to write but I find my time to be limited. So bare with me.

 This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to Pokot, Kenya with a missions team from VA. All 17 kids from our Children's Home got to go with us as well, so that was pretty neat! We spent 4 days and 3 nights there in a church called Pefa. It was a very fun/different/interesting experience. We got to "rough it" (more than usual). We had no running water, no bathrooms, no beds, no anything. Just a four walls and a ceiling, which was a blessing in itself. The weather in Pokot was very hot and humid (I felt like I was back home in Miami). The view was breathe-taking and beautiful. The mountains were amazing. The people there were very welcoming and loving. The kids at first would run away from us but they opened up and would hang out with us all day. I got to take a bath one day in the river! That was such an awesome experience. I felt like a native Kenyan. One night it rained alot and I got to wash my hair and body in the rain. I was happy to be somewhat clean.

 God did some great and mighty things in Pokot. We got to do door-to-door evangelism, VBS for the kids, church service for Pefa Church, we got to do some praise and worship and some members of the team shared their testimonies and the Gospel was proclaimed in the middle of a street in town. More than 50 people came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Countless got to hear the Good News. Many were prayed for.

 The first morning in Pokot, I got to hike up a mountain with a pastor named Augry (and his two kids: Brian and Sipora), a member of the team named Becky, and two of our kids from GOGCP (Victor and Hilary). 

The first home we went to: A man named Marykesh and his two wives. Marykesh has 9 children and one of his wives is pregnant. Marykesh is nearly blind and very skinny. His teeth are all messed up and he is not very strong. Their family seemed pretty well off (for being Kenyan at least). I am greeted and offered chai. One of the kids brings out a little stool from their mudhouse for me to sit down. I pull my stool near Marykesh and begin to engage in a conversation with him (I spoke in english which was then translated by Augry into pokot). I ask him questions like: how many children he had, if he was a native Pokot, how old he was..etc. I then let him ask me questions. I told him alittle bit about myself...I told him how I live in Kaptagat near Eldoret, I work at a Children's Home and I teach math at a local primary school...but the reason most important/main reason I moved here to Kenya was to share about Jesus and all that He has done. I soon asked Marykesh if he had ever heard of Jesus. He then told me that he had visited a church up the mountain once and that a man had given him some sugar. I asked Marykesh if he would like for me to tell him about Jesus. He seem genuinely interested...so I opened up my Bible and the Spirit lead me to read Matthew 20:29-34. The passage was "Jesus Heals Two Blind Men". I thought to myself: well...Marykesh is pretty much blind...this might be relevent to him. I began to tell him about how Jesus healing the two blind men was only one of the many miracles that Jesus did here on earth. I began to talk about sin and how we are not perfect...how much we are in need of a Savior. He then opened up and began talking about his struggles and addictions. He picked some tabacco that was held behind is ears and began to chew it (and I'm sure he was an alcoholic...I could smell it in his breath). My heart began to hurt....my mind began to pray...I began to share the Gospel with Marykesh. Although I don't know if he ever came to repent and believe, I know a seed was planted. I encouraged him to go to a Christian Church (Pefa) and learn more about Jesus. I told him, "no more alcohol, no more tabacco. Okay? I want you to be strong and healthy. I want you to be strong to be a better husband, a better father, to be a better man and provide for your family." I told him that I would like to come back to Pokot and see him again..and when I do I want him to be strong/healthy and to be a follow of Christ." Marykesh reached the tabacco that was behind his left ear and threw it away...he looked at me and smiled. My eyes started to get a little watery. I got up and started praying out loud for him and his family. That the Lord would save him and his household...that He would draw them to Himself. I prayed for Marykesh's sight and health. I prayed that the Lord would bless them and provide for their needs.We then gave him a little gift of tea and sugar.

 After praying we left and began to go to other houses and sharing about Jesus with more people and encouraging those who were already followers of Christ. On Saturday night at the town outreach I had the chance to lead a girl named Ruth in prayer...she came up to me and said that she wanted to become a Christian after hearing the Gospel and testimonies of the team members. I also had a little girl come up to me and ask me if I could pray that the Lord would provide food for her and her family. By this time my heart was already going a million mph. I live in a county that is filled with poverty...I live amongst families that are starving...I know that I live in Kenya...but it never really actually hit me as hard as it did when this little girl asked me to pray for food. I began to pray for provision and her life...I wish I could have had my backpack on me so I could give her some food but I didn't...but I trust the the Lord would answer prayers.

 I later found out that one of our own kids from the Children's Home got saved!!! Isn't that awesome?! Hilary (the oldest of our kids) got saved on Saturday night and got baptized in the river there in Pokot Sunday morning! The Lord is soooo good!

What the Lord has been teaching me: This weekend was a very challenging one for me...and I'll share why. Everywhere I go...I always end up with 6-7 sweet/beautiful kids that get a hold of me and my heart. In Pokot those kids' names were: Chech (x2..there were two Chechs), Chella, Cynthia, Masi, Aaron, Brian, Kabet, Obama....and countless more precious kids. I find kids fight with eachother about who gets to hold my hand and who gets to hug me and who gets to play (more like pull) with my hair. So there I was...standing in the middle of the street with what seemed to me a million kids around me, while the team led praise and worship for the town outreach. "I'm not enough" was the thought that came to my mind. I am not enough. There is not enough of me to share with these kids. There is not enough of me to love on these people. I can't just cut myself into little pieces and be handed out to each individual child. I'm tired and I'm dirty/sweaty. I'm overwhelmed and my hair is being touched by filthy but beautiful little hands. I felt like I was "being poured out"...like there was nothing of me left. But then I was reminded...its not me...its all about Jesus! My sweet Jesus is enough. He is enough for me. He is enough for everyone. Our Lord is more than enough. I began to think about all the children that He has..we are all His children...He has adopted us as His own through Jesus. His love is enough. His love is sufficient. The team began to sing Forever Reign by Hillsong and my eyes began to tear. The riches of His love will always be enough. Nothing compares to His embrace. God reminded me of the verse in Nehemiah that says,"...rejoice for the joy of the LORD is your strength" (8:10). The joy and hope that I have in Jesus Christ is my strength to keep going. To finish this race. Yahweh is my hope! He is my strength. It doesn't matter if I feel like I'm having love and strength being sucked out of me by these kid...I have the ultimate source of Love and Strength. So there I was....standing in the middle of the street...being hugged by two girls (one of each side of my body), my hands being held my two kids on each one, my hair being pulled on, tears falling down on my face...sweaty and dirty...singing praised at the top of my lungs to my sweet Jesus. I feel Him pouring Himself on me....comforting me and reminding me of His goodness...I am refreshed. I am satisfied. Piper once wrote, "He is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him," and I couldn't agree more. "Yote kwa Yesu. Yote kwako, Ee Mwokozi. Natoa sasa"

 "You are good You are good
 When there’s nothing good in me
 You are love You are love
 On display for all to see

 You are light You are light
 When the darkness closes in
 You are hope You are hope
 You have covered all my sin

 You are peace You are peace
 When my fear is crippling
 You are true You are true
 Even in my wandering

 You are joy You are joy
 You’re the reason that I sing
 You are life You are life
 In You death has lost it’s sting

 Oh I’m running to Your arms
 I’m running to Your arms
 The riches of Your love 
 Will always be enough 
 Nothing compares to Your embrace 
 Light of the world forever reign

 You are more You are more
 Than my words will ever say
 You are Lord You are Lord
 All creation will proclaim

 You are here You are here
 In Your presence I’m made whole
 You are God You are God
 Of all else I’m letting go

 My heart will sing
 No other Name
 Jesus
 Jesus"

 Please pray: For Marykesh and Ruth and the rest of the people that heard the Gospel in Pokot. For Pefa Church there in Pokot. For all the people that came to know the Lord. For the Church here in Kenya. For the kids. For the all the 17 kids that are in GOGCP. For Hilary and his walk with Christ.

Do Not Grow Weary

Today I witness something that I wish I hadn't. My heart is broken and I'm hurt. I'm angry but I have to keep reminding myself not to sin ("Be angry and do not sin"-Ephesians 4:26). I want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. I want to cry out to my Abba and have Him comfort me. My heart is heavy. My heart hurts.

Is this how You felt, my sweet Jesus? Is this how You felt when the sin of the world was upon Your shoulders? The evil and corruption that is in a human being. Totally depravity at its best is what I witness today. I will share this with you, not to sadden nor frustrate you, but to remind you to pray and never lose heart.

Today after our Sunday school service I spent some time with the kids and took care of my girls (Sharon, Phillis, Silvia, Chella, and Abigail). I played and took pictures. I sat down on the grass and watch the older kids play volley ball. By this time it was already lunch time. I found out that we were going to feed everyone lunch so I lead a crowd of kids to wash their little hands. As I walked towards the water-well I see one of my students from middle class...her name is Vivian (You might have seen a couple of pictures of her on my facebook, she has the cutest smile). She comes running to me and greets me. I get her to wash her hands and I go in line to get some food. I assist my Chella and I go grab a couple of big cups and fill them up with maze and beans. I usually tend to be a big sister and get all the younger kids food before the group of older kids crowd the place. While I get the food I see Vivian trip and fall, crying her little eyes out. I go and pick her up, calm her down, and hand her a cup with food. I didnt pay much attention but I did notice that she wasn't able to keep her balance. I sit Chella and Vivian down together to eat and I go get them clean water to drink. I ate some beans myself and assisted Phillis (she was thirsty). When I turn back to check on Chella and Vivian...Vivan was on the floor. Her little face all covered with dirt. She didnt cry....all she did was laugh. I tried picking her up but she just couldn't get her balance back. I knew something was wrong. She wasn't behaving like herself. I take Vivian to Kellie (the missionary I'm living with) and then to Auntie Sarah (the kenyan lady that works at GOGCP). This little girl. My Vivian. This 5-year-old girl was drunk! I smell her breath and it smelled like beer and she was drunk. I couldn't believe it. My mind began to boggle. How could this little girl get drunk? How in the world did she get a hold of alcohol?

Vivian stumbled along. Falling on her face every couple of steps. I rush to her and embrace her. Trying to keep her still. I continue to sit her down on the grass but she continues to get up and lose her balance. I thought to myself: "This sweet little girl is going to fall down from the playground and break her neck...shes going to die. How could this be?! Is this for real? Am I really witnessing this little 5-year-old being wasted?"
I asked around if Vivian had any sibblings...apparently her big brother was there. I carry Vivian to where he was and told him to take his sister home. He grabs her and starts dragging her. He gets her and slaps her face. He starts hitting her. By this time I am in complete shock. Vivian is crying at the top of her lungs. I quickly snatch Vivian from the floor and pick her up. Trying to calm her down and wipe her tears from her face. I keep Vivian with me. I sit down on the grass and lay her head on my lap. Soon enough Auntie Sarah comes and carries her. We get Vivian's brother to lead the way to their house. I remain at the Children's Home with my girls.
Auntie Sarah and my roommate Bella come back from taking Vivian home. Apparently Vivian's parents produce alcohol. Their next door neighbors informed Auntie Sarah that the dad gives Vivian the scraps of their alcohol. Apparently this is not the first time Vivian has been drunk. Vivian has in fact shown up to school drunk before. That Vivian was complaining that her belly hurt. My heart has just been stabbed.

How could this be?! How could anyone in their right mind give a child alcohol?! Thats just it huh. People dont have a "right mind". Oh the evil, the sin, the corruption in this world!
"A child wouldn't know any better. Why would a child want to drink alcohol? Wouldn't they gagg at the taste of it? I would.. Is Vivian going to be an alcoholic when shes older? Vivian could have alcohol poisioning if this keeps happening," were the thoughts that rushed through my head at a speed of a 1000 mph.

Now...here I am. Sitting down on my bed, typing up an event that I wish no one would ever have to experience. but I ask that you would keep Vivian in prayer. That the LORD would heal her of her pain. That He would convict her parents that they would come to repentance and believe in Jesus. That this chaos would end. Continue to pray for the people here in Kenya. Pray for the kids that are being abused.
Earlier today I went outside and sat beneath this little hut and had a quiet time. I got to write/pray and read Hebrews 12 before leaving to church in the morning. Its amazing to see how God answers prayers and prepares me for things through His Word.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right of the throne of God.
Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."-Hebrews 12:1-3.

Do Not Grow Weary

"In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives."
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.

For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears."-Hebrews 12:4-17

"Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."-Hebrews 12:28-29.