Worries that Lead to Prayers

I always find myself worrying about the future. Its the worst. Today I found myself thinking alot about what I'm going to do when I get back home. Whether I should go back to taking college classes in the Spring, or go to India, praying about coming back here to Kenya and seeing my kids again. I recently recieved a message from my mom telling me that as a family we have started praying for the mission field, being open to the possibility of moving overseas and doing ministry as a family (we've always considered it, but now its in prayer). My heart rejoices to such a thought, moving overseas and being a missionary long-term. But my flesh gets in the way and my mind begins to wonder: Will I ever settle down? Will I ever meet someone? Will I ever get married? (hahahah!) Will I not have a comfy home to get back to in the States anymore? How often will I get to see my family and friends?...etc.

I found myself fearing the future this morning, but then He reminded me of this verse: "For God gave us (me) the spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control [the NKJV says "and of sound mind"]-2nd Timothy 1:7. Charles Spurgeon once wrote, "Half our fears arise from neglect of the Bible," and I would have to agree. This morning I kept myself busy (handing washing clothes and a pair of shoes, making sure some other clothes were drying outside in the short period of sunshine that we had,sweeping the room and bathroom..etc), trying not to overthink things. But it came to the point where I had to drop everything and go spend time with Jesus. I went and pour myself out to Him in prayer and writing. I picked up my Bible and began reading 2nd Timothy. I was comforted and reminded of His grace, love and power. Of how sovereign our God is. Why was I freaking out about future plans? Why was I fearing the possibility of never living a comfortable life again?

As I was on my bed, reading the Word of God, I was reminded of who is it I serve and how great and mighty He is: "...our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the Gospel..."-2nd Timothy 1:10b. That's our Savior! Think about it...

Paul writes, "But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me."-2nd Timothy 1:12b God is sovereign. He is able.

The thought that I can,"be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus (2nd Timothy 2:)," amazes me. His grace comforts me, His grace strengthens me, His grace saves me. Lately I've been physically tired, sometimes emotionally tired, but He strengthens me.

I want to be that "good soldier" that Paul writes about: "Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus."-2nd Timothy 2:3. I pray that my "aim is to please the One who enlisted him"-2nd Timothy 2:4b. There is no need to fear anything in this life, but Someone! Elisabeth Elliot once said, "Fear God and fear nothing else." Spending time in the Word gives me a new perspective every single time. My mind is renewed with each verse I read, His word is not bound!

"But the word of God is not bound! Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. The saying is trustworthy, for:If we have died with Him, we will also live with Him; if we endure, we will also reign with Him; if we deny Him, He also will deny us; if we are faithless, He remains faithful—for He cannot deny Himself."-2nd Timothy 2:9b-13.

I want to endure everything for the sake of His elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. And who knows....maybe that "everything" means never being comfortable again, never settling down, never marrying my gringo man, never having a comfy home to go back to in the States..etc. So why should I worry? To share in the suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus, to endure all uncertainties in life, to surrender everything to Christ and for His kingdom, is what we should all desire.

So let us turn to Him in prayer; worries that lead to surrender, and letting go of our selfish thoughts and wants.

"The world is shaking with fear. "What will become of us? Where will it all end? What if Russia...? What if cancer...? What if expression...?" The love of God has wrapped us round from before the foundations of the world. If we fear Him--that is, if we are brought to our knees before Him, reverence and worship Him in absolute assurance of his sovereignty, we cannot possibly be afraid of anything else. To love God is to destroy all other fear. To love the world is to be afraid of everything--what it may think of me, what it may do to me, what may happen today or tomorrow for which I am not prepared. "The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?" (Ps 27:1 RSV). And yet, Lord, the truth is that I am often afraid. I confess it. All the weight of your promises seems sometimes to be only a feather, and the weight of my fears is lead. Reverse that, Lord, I pray. Give me the healthy fear that will make light of all the others--"The fear of the Lord is life; he who is full of it will rest untouched by evil" (Prv 19:23 NEB)." -Elisabeth Elliot.