It's officially May 17th and there is only 5 days till I leave to Kenya! Words cannot describe how I feel. Wednesday morning was chaotic, there was this huge issue with my dad (he not wanting me to go cause of my safety) and overall spiritual warfare. I spent my morning crying, talking on the phone with my youth pastor,
(side note* Jeff Borton: I can't even begin to describe what a blessing him and his wife Jen have been in my life this past year. Jeff is not only a great pastor/leader, he's a great friend as well. I seriously consider him my spiritual dad. [I know I always say John Piper and R.C Sproul are my spiritual grandpas...well, Jeff is Sproul's son]. He called me up and he stay there on the phone listening to me cry and randomly laugh and explain what was going on. Made a comment about he has never hear someone cry and laugh at the same time before. He always throws in his wise questions. Prayed with me over the phone. The Lord just reminded me (through Jeff) that He knows what He's doing*)
And talking to Laurel (founder of the orphanage) and Michael (the missionary in Kenya) and explaining to them the situation. All I can say is...it was a crazy morning/afternoon.
But then I remembered Paul's words, "Rejoice always, again I will say REJOICE!" (Phil.4:4). Tuesday night and then again on Wednesday night Matt Chandler has talked about that verse. To rejoice is good times and in bad times. Always rejoicing in the Lord.
Rejoicing doesn't always mean being all happy and having "spirit sprinkles" (which the real name is spirit fingers but whatever), it hard times in life. It's saying "God, I know that You are in control. Help me! I surrender. I rejoice because my hope is in You, Jesus!"
I found myself being in one of those emotional and spiritual situations of hardship and suffering. I love my dad, he's not a Christian, I don't except him to trust in His sovereignty concerning me leaving to a foreign country, living across the Atlantic ocean, being on the mission field. It's just hard to deal with his selfishness and his concern about my safety. I am called to honor my father and mother, and I want to be obedient. But it came to a point where I had to choose...well, am I going to stay in Miami because my dad doesn't approve of me leaving or am I going to fear God and obedient and go. Obey Him and go to Kenya. I didn't hesitate to choose. I choose Jesus. I serve a radical and living God! I could care less about my safety, staying home and being comfortable. He has made it do evident that Kenya is where He is leading me. I will follow. No matter what the cost is. Even if it affects my relationship with my earthly father. Jesus is worth it.
God is so good! My dad got to talk to my missionary contacts and got more information on my trip and now he is more at ease about me leaving. Which that itself is an answered prayer!
These sweet words came to mind today, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10.
Oh what Grace! That He is with me, is my God, He strengthens me, He helps me, He upholds me in His righteous right hand. Oh what Grace! That I can call upon my sweet sweet Jesus and He is there. He is always there.
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